My husband is a terrible
sleeper. Starting off, his snoring is uniquely awful. It’s the cross between
heavy breathing, and a gurgling within his throat/nostrils. He has a deviated
septum, and it’s killing me. I have to constantly tell him to roll over on his
side, away from me. And, not to mention a fan going full blast to block out
some of the noise. Now, I’m a light sleeper. A very light sleeper. Additionally
Tom talks in his sleep. Sometimes in gibberish. It startles me awake, and I
just have to coax him to just lay back down and go the eff to sleep!
Like, last night. He
starts off with some gibberish. It can be entertaining at times, so I asked
him, “What?”
“Caldwell’s bringing it
back.”
“Who’s Caldwell?”
“The dog.”
“Who’s Caldwell?”
“The dog.”
We don’t have a dog named
Caldwell…
“Uh, what is he bringing
back?”
“My rifle, from the
mountain.”
“The dog is bringing you
back your rifle?” Seems accurate.
“Yeah, from the house.” I
thought from the mountain?
“We’re in the house…”
“I don’t know.”
“No. WE ARE in the house, not where.”
“No. WE ARE in the house, not where.”
Confused look, and back
to sleep.
Sometimes, it’s worse.
For example, the other
night he jumped out of bed hunched over and ran into the bathroom. First
thought that comes to mind? He’s going to blow chunks all over my bathroom.
Nope. He runs to the sink, and frantically runs his hands through his hair
brushing whatever it was into the sink…
“WHERE DID YOU PUT THEM!?”
“Uhhh… What?”
“The spiders. Where did you put the spiders?!” Huge question marks are circling over my head.
“The spiders. Where did you put the spiders?!” Huge question marks are circling over my head.
“What… Spiders…?”
“The ones from the
antlers!” Huh?
(9 times out of 10 all of his dreams are about hunting/guns.)
(9 times out of 10 all of his dreams are about hunting/guns.)
“There are no spiders.
Come back to bed.”
“There aren’t?”
“There aren’t?”
“No.”
He shuffles back to bed and lays down. I’m just laying here like WTF just happened.
He shuffles back to bed and lays down. I’m just laying here like WTF just happened.
“What did you have a
dream about?”
“I was cleaning antlers
off and spiders started running all over me.”
Cue snoring. End scene.
(HA HA, now do you see what I did there for the title? Clever I am.)
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